Let’s be honest (wink wink): Most of us have told a little lie or two once before. Lying is so common, there are entire movies, television series, and songs dedicated to the art of the fib. In fact, a 2022 survey found that Americans, on average, lie up to four times a day. Of course, that statistic doesn’t speak to everyone, and perhaps you yourself rarely lie — but you suspect that someone in your life currently is. Luckily, while it’s not always easy, there are a few different ways to tell if someone is lying.
Lies range in severity, from small exaggerations to major untruths, but there are verbal and nonverbal cues to look out for when you notice someone acting sus. It is important to note that every person is different, so the signs of lying aren’t entirely ubiquitous — and some people might exhibit these behaviors when nervous or anxious, Dr. Lauren Kerwin, licensed psychologist, explains. Before jumping to conclusions, consider the broader context of the situation, she advises. But sometimes, you just can’t shake that feeling in your gut that you’re being lied to.
People are deceptive for various reasons. “People may lie to avoid punishment, judgment, or consequences,” Dr. Kerwin says. “Some people lie to prevent harm or negative feelings in others.” Some are untruthful in order to be liked, fit in, impress others, or manipulate situations, she and Karen Donaldson, communication and confidence coach, add.
The first step to determining whether or not someone is lying is to think about their baseline, Traci Brown, body language expert and author of How to Detect Lies, Fraud and Identity Theft: Field Guide, explains. Their baseline is their normal behavior, the mannerisms they display when being their authentic, honest self.
“When the baseline shifts, that’s when deception may be at play,” Brown explains. Again, clues of deceit might look different from person to person, so knowing someone’s baseline behavior can help you understand if they’re really lying or not. If you don’t know them too well yet, ask them basic questions like, “Where did you grow up? How do you spell your name?,” she suggests, and take note of their behavior when they respond.
Is it time to crack the case? Below, the experts break down exactly how to tell if someone is lying.
Pay attention to body language
A person’s nonverbal gestures can give a lot of away. Someone who is lying might demonstrate closed-off body language, Dr. Kerwin explains, like crossed arms or crossed legs. “Their calm body language starts to shift to a different state,” Donaldson adds. “That’s them expelling their nervous energy.” They might fidget, shuffle their feet, crack their knuckles, or even sweat.
Another common tell, Brown notes, is when someone’s movements do not match their words. “We nod our head up and down for ‘yes,’ we shake it left and right for ‘no,’ so if someone nods their head ‘yes’ but says ‘I would never do that,’ you have to believe the body first,” she explains. This person just might be fibbing.
Note their facial expressions
A lie might be written all over someone’s face — you just need to know the right signals to look for. “There may be a lack of congruence between what they're saying and their facial expressions,” Dr. Kerwin notes. “They might smile while discussing something serious or show expressions that don’t match the emotion of their words.”
They may struggle to hold eye contact, or, “they may hold eye contact for too long in an attempt to appear honest,” she continues. (Psst, knowing their baseline would help here.)
Donaldson points to the mouth, a spot that might be a little less obvious. “When someone quickly folds in their lips before they speak, it signals that they may be holding back information or are about to state something that may not be fully true,” she explains. “It signals that they are not saying what they really want to say.”
It’s also common that someone who is lying will cover their mouth, or touch and scratch their face, when speaking.
Focus on their speech pattern
Shifts in tone and pace can be pretty revealing. “A person's voice might become more pitchy, they might stutter, or their speech may become more rapid or slow,” Dr. Kerwin explains.
In some cases, “there is an abnormal pause before they speak, that can signal that the person is deciphering what they want to say, how much they want to say, or are possibly conjuring an untrue response,” Donaldson notes, adding that some will even repeat the question they’re asked before answering (perhaps to buy them more time in thinking of a reasonable fib).
“They use phrases like ‘honestly’ or ‘here’s the truth,’” she adds. “That’s them entering convincing mode.”
Look for inconsistencies
It’s not a great sign if they can’t keep their story straight. It might contradict what they previously told you, further confusing things and making you question what’s true and what’s not. To avoid this, “they may dodge questions, change the subject, or give vague, noncommittal answers,” Dr. Kerwin says.
See if they use personal pronouns
Perhaps a lesser-known tell is the lack of personal pronouns (such as “I,” “we” or their name) in someone’s story. “If they don’t use pronouns, it’s almost as if they’re talking about someone else,” Brown explains. They’re keeping themselves out of the fib, as if to mitigate blame or guilt for the lie.
“This can be a subconscious way of distancing themselves from the lie,” Dr. Kerwin adds.
Ask open-ended questions
If you think someone is lying to you, ask open-ended questions that they can’t answer with a simple “yes” or “no.”
“The more someone talks, the more information they have to remember, making it harder to maintain a lie,” Dr. Kerwin advises. It might also be helpful to ask for details, she adds. It could be your chance to check for inconsistencies (see above) and note any holes in their story.
What should you do when you know someone is lying to you?
Catching someone in a lie can be nerve-wracking and uncomfortable, and sometimes, it might not seem worth it to call a friend, partner, family member, or co-worker out on it. But if it’s weighing on you and affecting your relationship with this person, consider talking to them about how you’re feeling. “If you’re comfortable doing so, confront them directly, but calmly,” Dr. Kerwin suggests. “You might say, ‘I noticed some inconsistencies in your story. Can you help me understand that?’”
Hopefully, you can have an honest, open conversation and learn why this person is being deceitful and telling lies. But if not, it might be time to reflect on the relationship, reconsider this person’s place in your life, and if need be, Dr. Kerwin advises, set some boundaries.
Leah Campano is an Associate Editor at Seventeen, where she covers pop culture, entertainment news, health, and politics. On the weekends, you can probably find her watching marathons of vintage Real Housewives episodes or searching for New York City’s best almond croissants.
